making an example

I spent the entire morning and most of the afternoon meticulously grinding BBQ potato chips into dust with a mortar and pestle. Thirty-four bags of chips yielded a lot of red dust to work with.

I covered the front steps with a large, 10′x10′ orange tarp, and hooked the brass mailbox up to 50,000 volts of live electricity. When the mailman did his rounds, the shock box dropped him without a fuss.

I dragged him on the tarp to the end of my driveway, positioned him like Da Vinci’s vitruvian man, and dumped the entire quantity of finely ground BBQ dust on his face. It formed an anthill-like structure two feet high off the ground, and the dust washed into every orifice of his head. I think I stood over him for a good twenty minutes in rapturous self-admiration.

Regarding this event, there can be little doubt or debate: if and when he ever comes to, he will be the thirstiest, most uncomfortable motherfucker EVER.

Let this be a lesson to all of you.

~ Driz

~ by drizitche on April 24, 2008.