death of time

This horrid, churning feeling I’ve been raped by for the last week, this death of an idea, death of a moment, has resulted in what I’m calling a death of time.  I just realized tonight we feel this soggy madness in many ways.

The pointless arguments between lover and lover, yelling past one another, complaining of different points.

The miserable inability to construct the fucking Ikea desk, with tab A supposed to fit in slot Y, but you can’t find the piece with slot Y on it.

The stupid, petulant nitpicking of one idiot to another, splitting the hairs of bald, meaningless words, again verbal victory taking precedance over any sort of communication.

The dead-time is the isolation, our sounds unheard, our loneliness made plain by the incurably miserable face in the mirror.  Our slow, inarticulate minds mumble out.. what?

I’m sorry I’m angry, I’m angry you’re sorry, I’m inspired to sit quietly, I’m encouraged to do nothing.  The running in circles around a square fucking track, cutting corners that wouldn’t matter to take, because you’re going to end up in the center of nowhere anyways.

These moments where we sit down to talk with our life, and then talk right past it, missing the mark, missing the point, missing…  the life, essentially…  We miss our lover, so we MISS our lover, and instead talk to ourself, right past them, straight to our impression of them, the impression we longed for and pined for; not the squawking and squabbling, internecine racketmonger in front of us, but the better version of itself, the parallel lover, the parallel idea.

Fixation on indifference amplifies our frustration to dramatic and intolerable stasis.  That is the death of time, the death of our thought, and the death of my idea.  I simply failed to communicate, and I’m sorry.  For every visit to these words, or any other on this site, I apologise again and again but without feeling.  My screeching wench; I blame you for your insipid noise, clatter and rape.

Like I said, I’m sorry I’m angry.

Perfect.

~ Driz

~ by drizitche on April 2, 2009.